I suppose I should mention that our film won 3 awards on Friday night ...

Best Costumes
Best Music
Best Cinematography

I don't think I would produce another. You end up doing a lot of the upfront work and form filling and are then left rather marginalised whilst the actual exciting stuff of making the film is taking place over the weekend. That said I got involved in the script writing and the acting, so it wasn't all bad.

Copy of comment I wasn't able to post on the Film Project website ...

Firstly, I'd like to echo some of the others and thank Sam for organising a great competition. I think everyone had their trials and tribulations but the overall experience made it worth it (?!?!)

I can't help feeling there were some strange questions at our screening. One guy seemed to think the entries were planned in advance. From our point of view, "yes" we had ideas and "yes" we had certain things lined up ... for example,

1. I'd got permission from "A Band Called Quinn", a Scottish band I really like on Myspace to allow us to use their music on our film. I checked with Sam if this was okay, got the green light from him, and was looking forward to using their electro/indie/pop tracks on our film. We then picked out Historical Fiction. A Band Called Quinn suddenly didn't quite fit the bill.

2. Another team member had got permission from a swanky modern hotel to film on their premises. We then picked out Historical Fiction (see point 1)
3. We had 2 "proper" actors (yes, people who had actually acted before) lined up for our production. Both of them (possibly seeing the iceberg) pulled out the week before.
Other than the above mentioned military like planning, we pretty much started with a blank piece of paper on the Friday night.

Keith (our music man) sat in on the brain storming session on the Friday night, got (what he thought was) the general idea of what we were doing and was told to come back on Saturday night with some atmospheric music. He did a cracking job (even though when he eventually saw the film said "hmm, that wasn't quite how I'd imagined it")

So yeah, we came up with a historical fiction story, plonked a CD into it, found out some old looking hats, grabbed a spade (and a pie) and went for it.

Highlights would have to be filming outside the Burke and Hare lap dancing emporium on Saturday lunchtime and pretending to rob graves in an Edinburgh cemetery at 1.30am on Sunday.

Good times. See you all next year.


PS Yes Kenny, I am reading, and cheers. Much appreciated and back at ya. Do you want me to wait for you before handing ours in next year?

So that's the end of a frantic 48 hours of film making. We were lucky enough (?!?!?!?) to pull out "historical fiction" for our genre which was always going to be a challenge, especially considering the other things we were required to include.

Prop: A compact disk.

Line of Dialogue: Is that the best you've got?

Character: Robert or Roberta Darling (a restaurateur)

Having received all these details at 7pm on Friday night, we finished the script around 2.30am on the Saturday. After a wee kip, we were back up at 6.45am to begin filming at the Edinburgh Farmer's market where I played the meat stall owner. When then filmed in a pub in the Grassmarket, the Burke and Hare lap dancing club and in the Royal Mile before going for an afternoon snooze. Between 10.30pm and Sunday 1am, we were filming in ye olde streets of Edinburgh and in a cemetery where I was a ye olde policeman chasing Burke and Hare the grave robbers ... it's an interesting short film.

If you'd like to see it, it's being shown at the Cameo Cinema in Edinburgh tomorrow night.

Checked into Authonomy this morning and am chuffed to bits that someone has left this comment regarding Worlds Apart ...

"I've read a few books on this site now and this one is the best I've seen. It's presented professionally, it reads very well, and although it's humourous it doesn't really want to be a Nick Hornby/ Douglas Adams novel. My word, an original voice! HarperCollins, are you taking note?"

Thanks Mum.

For those creative writers out there, you may be interested to know that Haper Collins have launched a website (AUTHONOMY) to "flush out writing talent" and then when a piece of work becomes popular they will be able to pounce on it and suck it dry. I have therefore stripped off naked and uploaded extracts from my novels (shouting "suck me, suck me dry"). I've already had a couple of positive comments which is refreshing following my cousin's demolition of Digging Deeper (Are we supposed to like Will, he's an asshole ... bad mix of omniscient narrator ... confused metaphors ... it's not quite ready for publication yet. I could go on. He was on the phone for an hour and twenty minutes). Anyway, that aside, authonomy might be the place to go if you fancy showcasing your work, as is www.ABCtales.com

It's not been a great week for the film either. We had two pro actors who were going to star in it and a cameraman with his own top notch equipment. All of them have pulled out but apart from not having any actors, cameras, camera operators or locations, I think we've got a good chance of winning.

At least my pickled onions haven't let me down. Deeeee-licious!

Last Thursday, I didn't drive a Vauxhall Vectra in my bare feet whilst gorging on Toblerones. I did however go to Dundee to give a talk on self-publishing to a creative writing class at the college.

Thanks to everyone in the class for making me feel so welcome.

Yesterday was a special day in Scotland. The sun came out. So special, Gemma decided to take leave from studying and venture outside. Being bank holiday, the rest of Scotland came out for the day too. Gemma decided we should go to St Andrews.

Firstly we got caught Bank Holiday traffic. Having a touch of man-flu, I'm running a slight temperature in any case. Sitting in traffic for an hour on a hot day in a black car was doing nothing to help. We decided to take a detour. Gem, armed with the map, navigated us to a picnic spot which happened to be 200 yards from Methil power station in Leven. Our picnic consisted of a rug (which we'd bought ourselves), a hotdog (for Gemma) and a strawberry Cornetto (for me) which we purchased from the nearby burger van. Having finished my ice-cream, we pushed on in search of more fun and went to the penny arcade across the road. We eventually waved the power station goodbye and headed to St Andrews.

The place was heaving but we had a great time, walking along the beach, watching rich Americans come up the 18th and visiting a local watering hole for some light refreshments ...then the mist rolled in (as you will see from the pictures) and everyone decided to leave the beach. It took us an hour to get out of the car-park.

We then took the coast road home and called in at Anstruther for a portion of their award winning fish and chips (best in Scotland, 2nd best in UK). The queue was about 75 yards out of the front doors but we decided they'd be worth the wait. Having queued and queued we finally reached the front doors to be confronted with a Disney style zig-zag roped walkway affair. We were only about half way to the counter. By then we'd reached the point of no return. It was a military style operation. Uniformed girls came around and took our orders well in advance. A young boy in front had been waiting so long with his Dad that he needed an emergency trip to the toilet to save himself from peeing all over the floor. Having climbed the steps to the counter and received my fish supper I felt like I'd won the FA Cup. I wanted to hold my chips aloft and blow raspberries at all the other suckers in the queue behind us. I went crazy and thought I might actually want some mushy peas but there was going to be an additional five minute wait for them so I decided against it. One hour and fifteen minutes after joining the queue, we left the "plaice" (get it?) with our dinner, exhausted. We'd earnt it. It has to be said, the grub was excellent.

Flight of the Conchords follows the trials and tribulations of a two man, digi-folk band from New Zealand as they try to make a name for themselves in their adopted home of New York City. The band is made up of Bret McKenzie on guitar and vocals, and Jemaine Clement on guitar and vocals. Bret and Jemaine have moved to New York in the hope of forging a successful music career. So far they've managed to find a manager (whose "other" job is at the New Zealand Consulate), one fan (a married obsessive) and one friend (who owns the local pawn shop) -- but not much else.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFjrbmj0CUc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtfQg4KkR88&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5hrUGFhsXo&NR=1

I've entered 2 short film scripts for the Bongo Reef "Losing the Plot" (www.bongoreefpictures.co.uk) project. The parameters were they could be no longer than 3 mins, had to be based on an allotment, and had to be dialogue driven. This goes against everything we've been taught at uni (show, don't tell ... dialogue is one of the 2 main evils in cinema, the other being flashbacks) but not really having a clue what I'm doing anyway, I decided to give it a go.

Seeing as I like Tarantino films (dialogue) and one of my favourite films is Usual Suspects (flashbacks) I'm not really sure I'm cut out for this scriptwriting lark. If film scripts weren't confusing enough, we've now moved onto TV scripts at uni which have a completely different format again. The script should be "action not movement" and "The trick of turning movement into action is to make it active and tie it into character." All very well, but I've not got a clue what all these things mean. Going back to the books, I haven't sold a single one in weeks. Full time writing isn't working out. I'm becoming quite disillusioned if the truth be told. Maybe I should just stick with surveying.

Gemma says that I should write because I enjoy writing and I've now shifted a million miles from where I started and have completely different aspirations. I disagree. Yes it would be nice to have the trimmings that come with being a successful author/screenwriter but my goal hasn't changed from doing things that people enjoy reading (or now watching). Whilst Gemma would argue that you should gain enjoyment from making the film or writing the book, I agree with my tutor. What is the point in making a film (or writing a book) that nobody is going to watch (or read)?

Ignore me, I'm having an off day ... if anyone's reading anyway :-(

Not one for celebrity nonsense, you have to give credit where it's due.

Enter ... Barry Norman's pickled onions, recommended to be by my Mum. I was sceptical, until I tried one. Bloody lovely, a recipe that has been in the Norman household for generations and it was only when a mate of Barry's popped round for tea (and an onion, like you do) and told him they were so good he ought to sell them that Barry cashed in. You can picture it now, Barry with a napkin tucked in his collar as he has one of his onions, vinegar dribbling down his chin, maybe a scotch egg chaser, when his mate pipes up, "F**KING HELL BAZZA! These onions are the dog's b*ll*cks. You ought to sell them me ol' son." I'm sure that's exactly how the conversation went.

Anyway, I like them so much I've eaten a jar already ... and been down to the local co-op to buy some more onions to dunk in Barry's vinegar. Nic nac noo!

Tomorrow sees the start of my two-day course "The Language of Film" at The Engine Shed in Edinburgh. It's a "lively and interactive course on visual storytelling and film technique" and is supported by 4Talent Scotland. I'm hoping the talent comes after you've done it rather than needing to talent to be on it ...

On the back of my experiences in New Zealand, I've signed up for the Edinburgh 48 Hour Film Project. It starts on Friday 16th May and the premise is the same as before ... genre, character, line of dialogue and a prop, oh, and 2 days to make a short film from scratch.

On the basis I haven't enough time/equipment to formulate my own team (and my leading lady is still doing her Masters), I've entered myself on the database in the hope that some other desperados will require my (limited) services. May God have mercy on their souls!

So that's it then! Part 2 of the scriptwriting course is over and it's time to hand in the assignment. Being the swotty brown-nose that I am (if only my school tutors could see me now) I'm hoping to hand mine in tomorrow. It hasn't got to be in until next Tuesday. Get me!

I'm still to think of a title for my 17 minute long script but it's roughly an adaption from the beginning of Digging Deeper (full length version up to 85 minutes to date ... but will need some cutting when I'm finished).

So yes, after a twist in the story and an added character, I finally got there. Hollywood, here I come (is it west from Falkirk? I think I should have taken the first left!)

Thought a few of you might be interested to find out about Word Power Books (http://www.word-power.co.uk/), an independent bookshop opened formally by Booker Prize-Winner James Kelman on 1 December 1994.

Instead of me waffling on, I'll let them do the talking ...

"Our world-wide online service is an alternative to corporate bookshops that refuse to allow their workers to join trade unions. Unlike Amazon, recipient of £1.6 million taxpayers' money from the Scottish Executive (The Bookseller, 28 May 2004), we receive no state funding.
While our site offers you access to all books in print in the UK we remain committed to promoting literature outwith the mainstream thereby making it more accessible and helping to support small presses and new writers. We also provide Platform, a regular column for groups, campaigns or individuals to post articles and foster debate, and a Noticeboard where you can post information and details of events."

I think my previous blogs have made my views fairly clear on the subject of corporate bookshops. I don't think I need to add any more, suffice to say if you're going to buy a book, check out http://www.word-power.co.uk/

So this is Burns Night in Scotland then? I spent it sat on my own with a plate and fish and chips ... or a fish supper as it's known up here. Going to the chippy tonight was an education though, haggis suppers available (well they're always available to be fair) but I've never seen wee Jimmy fritters advertised before, complete with broon sauce.

Week 2 of the script writing last Wednesday. Interesting stuff although I can't help feeling a tinge of stupidity having revealed last week that I thought I'd give script writing a go because people had always commented how good the dialogue in my books was. This week the tutor revealed that film scripts was nothing to do with dialogue and everything to do with what you saw, not what people said. So then I came home and continued reading my book containing a series of interviews with Alfred Hitchcock who had this to say about the end of the silent film era (before going on to talk about his first "talkie", Blackmail).

"The silent pictures were the purest form of cinema ... since all that was missing was natural sound, there was no need to go to the other extreme and completely abandon the technique of the pure motion picture, the way they did when sound came in.

In many of the films now being made there is very little cinema: they are mostly what I call 'photographs of people talking.' When we tell a story in cinema, we should resort to dialogue only when it's impossible to do otherwise. In writing a screenplay it's essential to separate clearly the dialogue from the visual elements and, whenever possible, to rely more on the visual then the dialogue."

So there you have it ... so much for my "brilliant" dialogue. Humph!

Oh, and to find out what I should have been doing instead of eating fish and chips on me tod ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burns_supper

I should probably also mention an amazing thing that happened over Christmas ... I got engaged, but that's not the amazing thing, the amazing thing how a new pair of glasses and haircut has transformed my fiancee into Mel Perkins (the gay one from Mel & Sue).

I also recorded 2 pages of notes during the build up to the engagement of things people did or said to (unbeknown to them) put spanners in the works of my plans. Good idea for a book. You have funny wedding stories so why not engagement ones? So if you have any, get in touch because I think we could be onto something.

A belated Happy New Year to one and all. The break went all too quickly ... and now it's back to earth with a bump. I've started the script writing course at Edinburgh Uni and the class appears to boast a wide spectrum of students. Enjoyed the first week although we've already been given homework to read up about Aristotle's Poetics. Might sound complicated but then I was already three quarters through a book on the subject before I started the course, so no drama (or as Aristotle might say, "tradegy")

I should explain that this picture has been added to the blog because I keep getting badgered to do so.

I have the pleasure of working with these people (in my normal day job) and they wanted to show their support by having their pictures taken with the books.

In reality, whilst Iain has read the first 2, Laurette has been on about page 13 of Digging Deeper since last November which is not quite the advert for the "real page turner" I'd hoped, but there you have it.