TEST RUN 1 - Aim 10 miles

Conditions - drizzle, mild wind (oh and gears kept jumping from one to another ... v.offputing)

Achieved - 6.35 miles

Time - 37 mins

Av. Speed - 10.3 mph

Comments - Not particually happy with the outcome, but we've all got to start somewhere my ol' muckers and on the plus side, I didn't split my shorts and my cycle helmet fits!

Following on from the success of the 3 Peaks Challenge last year, I've started to think about another challenge for the end of May. Not wanting to do any bloody hill climbing, and having finally picked up my bike from Mum's house in Dorset ... and the fact National Cycle route 7 runs through our village, I'm tempted by a cycling challenge.

I'm struggling to know where to pitch it though. Aim for 10 - 20 miles (as many people who know me and my fitness levels seem to be suggesting) and it's hardly a challenge to rank up there with the 3 peaks. Aim for 100km on the other hand and I might kill myself.

Having cycled EVERYWHERE in my teens (well, probably until I was 17 and got a car to be fair) I have this notion in my head (a bit like I did with the 3PC) that I'm much fitter than I actually am. I decided to cast doubt on the doubters and go out for a little jaunt up the cycle path one night after work last week, before it got dark. 4 miles later I was out of breath and back home. In my defence, only 2 of the 18 gears worked, the back brake was goosed, one of the pedals broken and the chain fell off twice. In my bike's defense it's my old school bike and hasn't been ridden for the best part of 20 years. Safe to say both me and the bike were knackered.

Anyway, hence the picture (above). I took my bike to Wheelcraft in Campsie Glen on Saturday and asked them to give it an overhaul, and tonight ladies and gentlefolk, I have it back ... it tip top condition (from what I can tell from the 2 mins I cycled around the car-park in the dark to check that everything worked).

Whilst waiting to have it fixed I have also visited the local Lidl (purveyor of all top quality biking merchandise) and although being £71 worse off, I now have a crash helmet, cycle shorts, 2 cycle tops, a rain jacket, gloves, a mileometer, 2 sets of lights, a mini pump, and a toolkit.

There are now 2 months to go and other than 4 miles up and back on a cycle track and 2 mins around the car-park, I haven't been on a bike since 1991. John, my co-climber last year, thinks we should be aiming for 30-40km for a good challenge. I'm still keen on the 100km but then I always was a bit of a prat. Any suggestions or anyone wishing to join in, bring it on!

I'll keep you posted on any developments.

As for writing ... work has been really busy so I'm still labouring with the planning.

The Edinboro 48 hour film challenge is on at the end of May as well ... so look out for that too!

I have entered Digging Deeper into the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Firstly, whilst I admit I shop at Amazon ... in fact I'll hold back for now until after the first round of judging in case they're reading this.

They started accepting submissions yesterday and you've only got until the 7th Feb. So if you're interested, this is how it works.

"Now through February 7th, 2010, or until we've received 5,000 entries in each category, you can enter your unpublished or self-published English-language novel into the General Fiction category, or the new Young Adult Fiction category. The contest will then proceed through four phases of judging:

First Round: Amazon editors will review a 300 word Pitch of each entry. The top 1000 entries in each category (2000 total entries) will move on to the second round.

Second Round: The field will be narrowed to 250 entries in each category (500 total entries) by Amazon top customer reviewers from ratings of a 5000 word excerpt.

Quarterfinals: Publishers Weekly reviewers will read the full manuscript of each quarterfinalist, and based on their review scores, the top 50 in each category (100 total entries) will move on to the Semifinals.

Semifinals: Penguin USA editors will read the full manuscript and review all accompanying data for each semifinalist and will then select three finalists in each category (six total finalists).

Finals: Amazon customers will vote on the three finalists in each category resulting in two grand prize winners.

Review the Official Contest Rules and watch our video tutorials for instructions on preparing and submitting your entry."

If you fancy giving it a bash, visit https://www.createspace.com/abna?ref=480641&utm_id=5141

I'm not particularly hopeful of winning against 10,000 entries but you gotta give it a go eh?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Fiona Smith ... yes, the Fiona Smith.

Doesn't ring any bells? Well listen here. I'm about to give you the heads up because the aforementioned Fiona is the Editor of Shortbread Stories, a website specifically designed to be a showcase for writers, making their short stories available to a worldwide audience. What's more they're aiming to be the largest website of their kind ... in the world ... ever!

So whether you fancy a read or would like to upload your short stories to the website, why not take a look and see what you've been missing before Shortbread Stories explodes across the globe like some literary custard that's been left in the microwave too long and you turn into one of those sad losers who jumps on the passing band wagon, trying to barge your way to the microwave in the back of the wagon to try and lick up some of ... the, errm, custard. Oh, forget it. Just take a look at the damn site.

I was kindly invited along to the Literary Salon at Dundee Contemporary Arts Centre on Thursday evening to sit on a publishing panel. All went very well and I met some very interesting people, including Kirsty Lee.

Far be it for me to "big-up" other authors but credit where credit is due. Kirsty is attempting to write a short story a day for (wait for it) 12 whole months.

Lovely woman, totally mad project ... a combination which urges me to ask you (are you still there?) to check out Kirsty's work and support her accordingly before she is forced to slip into unflatterng white overalls and confined to a padded cell for the rest of her days.

The link to Kirsty's site, funnily enough, is in my list of "links". Check it out.

Minor rant, but does everyone know what a courgette looks like?

If you do I wouldn't suggest you apply for a job at the Co-op supermarket, at least not at my local store, where it would appear a prerequisite of being awarded the job is that you display a very limited knowledge of common vegetables.

Now, speaking as man who used to work at a supermarket in his student days, I am all too aware that larger supermarkets sometimes stock some unusual vegetables which are difficult to recognise. Two things ... firstly there is nothing in my local Co-op more exotic than a banana (I fully appreciate this isn't a vegetable but you get the idea) and secondly, is a courgette really too difficult to recognise? I can appreciate that a yam might be difficult to distinguish from a sweet potato. My particular failing was more within the fruit kingdom, Kumquats, pomegranates and greengages but we were tested on these by our supervisors so that we wouldn't need to stare blankly at customers with our mouths wide open whilst holding their plums (sorry, couldn't resist).

Anyway, we meandered our way through the remaining contents of my shopping basket ... Red Bull, milk, we even managed to stumble our way through the carrots and broccoli, but then the blank expression descended over Jamie's (I read the name badge) face once more. He looked at me, held up the last remaining bag of vegetables and cocked his head to one side. In my head I was screaming, "For God's sakes, it's a couple of f**king parsnips, Jamie," but I smiled and informed him in a much more polite manner.

I have nothing to say in Jamie's defense. The bag was clear, the parsnips not discoloured or misshapen in any way that might suggest that they were anything else other than ... f**king parsnips.

I'm afraid this entry isn't going anywhere, other than to ask, does anybody else not know what a parsnip (or a courgette) looks like? I'm going now as I appreciate I'm beginning to sound rather pompous.

And so probably the last of my reports from the Edinburgh Festival, with the 3 final shows to go.

Something a little more highbrow for Mum. A play called "Orphans". My review? Quite enjoyed it for someone who thought they weren't keen on theatre, ending a bit strange and they used the "c" word more times than the comedy show we'd seen earlier in the week. 8/10

I can't even remember the name of the 2nd show. Gemma wanted to see it and it was ok (at best). Something to do with "Craig still watches Neighbours" and was about a bloke who still watches Neighbours and included him playing clips from Neighbours and making averagely funny remarks about them ... along with some other VERY random bits chucked in 6/10.

And then, we saved the best until last ... Tom Wrigglesworth. It's ultimately a show about a particularly eventful train journey he had from Manchester to London with Virgin but it's a must see, very funny and he seems like a really top bloke (who really likes Vimto ... I know that because I was chatting to him at the bar before the gig ... about Vimto ... although at that stage I didn't have a clue who he was)

So a big fat 9/10 for Tom. A fitting way to end our festival fun for another year!

In other news, thought I'd share with you that the Digging Deeper film script has been sent to FluidEye Productions in Edinburgh for their assessment and a copy of all three of my books will be winging their way down to London tomorrow to be scrutinised by an agent I've been lucky enough to have a chat with.

Will keep you posted.

Received my certificate from Bowel Cancer UK this morning ... so I'd like to say a big thanks (and an individual hug) to everyone who helped raise the £5,288.90.

Admittedly it was me who did all the bloody training and hill climbing, but at least we managed to raise a massive amount a cash in the process, so thank you.

Now, with Mum up for the festival over the weekend, what better way to play it safe than take her to a couple of safe shows before the even safer banker of the Edinburgh Tattoo.

Friday saw us start our schedule with a nice and safe lunchtime "best of the fest" in which you get a 10 min taste of 4 top comedians from the festival ... only one of which I've heard of. First up was Justin Moorhouse (the guy from Phoenix Nights) who was very good and I'll give a 7/10. He was followed by a not quite as funny Irish fella (is it worth giving him a rating if I can't remember his name? 6/10). Then came a very short "comedian" who wasn't very funny at all (but not as bad as Vladimir McTavish, so a 4/10) and then a very good, but very rude New Zealand comic who used the "c" word 5 times during his 10 minutes, which sent me into regular sideways glances to see how Mum was reacting to her Edinburgh experience. Anyway, this guy was supposed to be New Zealand's top comic ... although having done a google image search, I can't find any trace of him. Anyway, he'd be a 7/10 but downgrading him to a 6.5 for saying the "c" word a lot ... in front of my mum ... at a lunchtime show ... and for being fairly intimidating.

So, with nothing else to see until the Tattoo and the rain beating down, we decided to take shelter in the form of a wild card option ... Early Long Island Iced Tea which is directed by Mel Smith (yes, as in Smith and Jones) and I therefore thought it might be mildly funny. Didn't know if it was a play, musical or whatever, but it was certainly full of people more my Mum's age. It was an hour of caberet singing, and hour of caberet singing by an old queen (with a cracking voice it has to be said) singing old songs in an overly dramatic way. To add insult to injury, there were a few attempts at comical interludes which fell flat on their faces (unless you were of a certain age) which I presume were the inventions of Mr Smith. I was ready to cut my own ears off by the end of the hour. Mum seemed to enjoy it however.

Then onto the Tattoo. What a spectacle, not even dampened by having to sit in the heavy rain with my hood up and a bin liner over my legs. All in the name of "festival" my friends, all in the name of "festival".

Next up, Jason Cook with his new show, FEAR.

Nothing unexpected here. Saw him last year, brilliant. Saw him again this year, still brilliant.

You'll notice their are no accolades from the Guardian on his poster.

Top quality. Go see.

At this time of year, the papers are full of reviews for various shows at the Edinburgh Festival, and maaaaan, there's a lot of them. You can't walk anywhere in the city without a flyer or 10 being thrust into your path, all seemingly rated as the best show at the fringe by such and such.

But then it's all down to a matter of taste. I will therefore give humble opinion on shows to go and see and those to be avoided ... in order of appearance.

Vladimir McTavish: The Top 50 Scots Of All Time Pt II.

"A 2008 sell-out. Another affectionately scathing critique of one small nation's greatest icons."

‘Gleefully indulgent, highly appealing’ Guardian.

Now, I'm not a Guardian reader, in fact on the basis of their reviews, I don't intend to ever read the Guardian as my take on things would appear to be in direct contrast to this particular newspaper.

Far be it for me to be judgemental, but if I had seen the picture of Vladimir before we'd bought the tickets, I wouldn't have bothered. He doesn't strike me as the type of man who is going to make me laugh ... and he didn't, only in sympathy by the end of an gruellingly uncomforatble hour. I'm not sure how the Guardian could have thought otherwise. I was kind and gave him 5/10. Gemma (who is usually much kinder than me) gave him a 3/10 and said that was being generous. One to be missed in our opinion.

Sign up for the FREE FACEBOOK BOOKSHARE.

The idea came from bookcrossing.com where you can "release books into the wild" by registering it on their site (which gives it a unique number) and then leaving it in a random place (say a phone box or restaurant), letting people know on the website where you have left it and then another person finds it, reads it, reviews it on the site and leaves it in a random place for someone else to find (and so on and so forth).

I therefore signed up my own books and released them but they didn't like that very much because they said it was self-publicity (you're supposed to release books you've read and enjoyed, not ones you've written yourself) and not in the spirit of bookcrossing. I said this was a load of nonsense and why should my book be any different to anyone elses and they said ... we have some very top-profile authors on their site and if they self-promoted their own books they would shut down their profile too ... and I said something along the lines of "well I'm sure Stephen King doesn't have too much bother with publicity and wouldn't have to resort to releases his own books for free on bookcrossing in any case."

Needless to say, we fell out (apologies for the ultra-long sentences). So ... (deep breath) what I'm proposing to do is my own book crossing where you say which title you want to read, I send it to the 1st person that signs up, they read it, review it on the fan page, and then send it to the next person on the list, and so on a so forth ... so it's like a book share where all it costs you is the postage to send it to the next person on the list.

Does this make sense? Just leave you're name and the book you would like to read on my Facebook fan page (or send me a message) and I'll contact you with the craic.

Happy reading!

Now onto the next project, book 4. If you've been reading the earlier posts you'll know that I'll be returning to this once the film script is submitted far and wide.

Is it an image like this that puts people off the next book or possibly my writing ability? I'd like to thing it's the former. As soon as you mention it has the undead in it, people (especially girls) begin to turn their noses up.

All I wanted to say was ... ok, ok, it's going to be a book with zombie-esque characters in it but it's ultimately a book about survival and human emotions (God, that sounds boring) but a funny take on human emotions and surviving (now it sounds like an happy clappy self-help novel ... with zombies in it).

Look, all I'm saying is keep the faith. I'm writing it for me as I feel it deals with a lot of issues close to my heart but at the same time has a cracking story (I hope, still working on it) and is (as you would come to expect) a quirky, funny (dare I say HILARIOUS? Probably not) roller coaster of a yarn.

So don't be put off if you don't like zombies. It's going to be better written than anything I've done before, more amusing than 12 Months and Worlds Apart combined, have great characters, cracking storyline and leave you wishing the zombies would never end. This is going to be the last book before the snowball topples down the mountain side and really starts to gather momentum. I can feel it. You have been warned.

This is great. I'm actually receiving emails badgering me for updates. I never knew you cared.

Well my faithful followers (I don't think we'll need more than a pipe of Pringles for the catering for the first fan club meeting), my apologies for the lack of info. To use the words of my Mother-in-Law, I've had a touch of paralysis by analysis. I am formulating a plan however and it goes a little something like this.

I'm very close to finishing the second draft of the screenplay. I will then be sending it to Fluid Eye Productions (aka Doug who used to take my scriptwriting course - http://www.fluideyeproductions.co.uk/) for his keen fluid eye and valued comments. Then, making the changes and adjustments required to get to a final script I'm happy with.

As far as I see it, it's then a case of submitting it to anyone who will listen. The BBC accept submissions (unlike Channel 4, damn you) and I've also found this website, https://www.withoutabox.com/, which lists just about every film festival going on the planet.

It's something I've never really done ... the being patient and submitting things I mean. None of the books have been touted around the circuit as I just feel it's easier and quicker to do the bloody thing myself. So ... watch this space as they say. Won't be long until I actually start submitting things ... to people ... who know what they're talking about (allegedly).

Fingers crossed pleased, oh faithful handful of blog followers!